I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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