do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
