I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
