bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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