You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
