I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
