Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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