I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
