Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
