At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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