tell your sister to shave her snatch
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
