I am puke
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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