i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
