Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
