So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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