I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
