is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
