where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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