Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
