How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We need a shit load of segways right now
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
