I cockslap morals
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
