Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
