So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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