no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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