anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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