im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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