I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
