____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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