we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
