Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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