I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
