I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
