You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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