So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
