If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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