I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
