I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
