Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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