Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
no, he came in my armpit
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
