the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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