haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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