think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
