i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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