he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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