I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
