You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
