every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
