God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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