Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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