Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
