Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
