I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
