You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
birth control should be required to get into college
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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