Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
