Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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