Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
