someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
