So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
4 words: hood of his car
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
