Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
