i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
