she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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