is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
